New Day

Today is a new day. Yesterday is gone, and all the mistakes I have made are gone with it. It’s refreshing to realize that. I can’t change what I ate, what I did, or didn’t do. Exercise I did, or didn’t do. It’s gone with the waves that lap against the shores of California. Gone to the bottom of the ocean, never to be relived or retrieved. We all have the power to start new, each and
every day. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The past is there for us to learn from, to make our future better than today.

I have 4 days until my deadline.
I have been more active than not.
Also, my house is also deciding it wants to be a sauna. Those help you lose weight, don’t they?

I’ve been meaning to weigh myself in the mornings, but before I realize it I’ve eaten breakfast or chugged a buuuuuuuuuuuunch of water. (Thanks to “the sugars”, I’m always thirsty.) I won’t forget on the 1st, and believe me darlings, I will let you know, success or fail.

Mr. Big picked up my prescriptions this afternoon, and we got an extra little surprise! My doctor saw fit to prescribe a new medicine called Byetta. It's a SHOT! Like, with needles! Ah! Mr. Big and I watched some very informative videos and I gave myself the shot just before dinner. I had my friend Anna J over, so she was there to witness me in all my puncturing glory. It didn't hurt too much, just stung a little when the medicine went in.

I also took my Metformin tonight. My prescription is two pills twice a day, but I am going to stagger my dose up gradually. Either way I'm looking at severe stomach upset for the next two weeks to a month. Yay.

And thanks to my post yesterday, Aunt Flow showed up fo sho today. At work. With my life saving Midol at home. I could barely wait to go home today, where I could writhe in pain respectfully with my heating pad and pms pants.

Regardless, I started my medicine today... And that darling dears, is a step in the right direction!


-butterfly kisses, bedtime stories, and sweet little baby booties....

Your friend,
Truely Blue

Secret Weapon

I found the secret weapon that's going to make me lose a bajillion pounds. 
Are you ready for it?


Nicki Minaj. 
Yes, the rapper. 

She is going to simultaneously make me skinnier and possibly make Mr. Big have a heart attack from laughing.  You see, he caught me dancing to one of her songs.  I was REALLY into it & I apparently have no rythym, even though I thought I looked GOOOOOOD.  Which apparently adds to the humor in this situation. 

It's just that Nicki Minaj is very fierce in her lyrics, and that's exactly what Truely needs RIGHT NOW.  Fierce female attitude. 

It's better than what I have been feeling the last couple of days!
Which is more like the Mayor of Crankytown. 

Aunt Flow is seriously effing with me.  I'm spotting and PMSing hardcore, but definitely not full on started yet.  If Aunt Flow was a real person, I'd kick her in the ovaries.

Okay, I'll have a weight loss update on Friday.  I haven't weighted since. 
Also, I restart my medicine TOMORROW.  Yay for the Metformin bg's!  (bubbleguts) 

In other news, I have two followers, and I'm stoked!!  I love you both already, even though I don't know you yet!!

-- homemade carrot puree, itty bitty spoons, and a blue eyed baby girl....

Your friend,
Truely Blue

Rough day

Today was rough for me, fertility-wise as we celebrated June Marie's daughters first birthday. It was very rushed and last minute, very different from how I would do it. It was nice though, every thing came together beautifully. It was a small gathering, the list of attendees:

June Marie & her husband Colin
Their 3 children
Colin's sister Sienna, her husband and 2 children.
Colin's other sister Shandy and her son.
Colin's mom.
And me & Big.

Baby Alice wouldn't go to anyone but me or June Marie. & June was running around like crazy trying to get things settled so I was it. & for some reason this really broke my heart. It hurt the infertile me that I hide so well. Alice crying for me when the others tried to take her from me. Alice reaching for me to get out of their arms. It broke me. This only happens to women that are mothers. I have never experienced anything like it.

Unfortunately for me, I couldn't process this unexpected emotion and spent a good portion of the party crying in the bathroom. Oh, and in the midst of my weeping session... Aunt flow showed up to comfort me! All topping the fact that I ridiculously took a HPT this morning! Ha! #thankyouverymuch #insulttoinjury

Had to throw in some hashtags in there!

The whole day, Mr. Big & I would whisper things, "I hope our kid is mellow". "I would have done that differently". "I can't wait to have our own baby".

That's what I have been repeating the most... "I want our own baby.". And if I can't, I just want to move on to the next option, even if I am not sure what that option is yet.

Yes friends, I have had a rough day, and it's time to put this day to bed.

Happier times tomorrow!

-bubble baths, 1st birthdays, and a bib that says "I love my mommy"...

Your friend,
Truely Blue

Day 3, bust or calm before the storm?

Used up another day of my no gym days. Not off to the best start, but definitely not giving up. Mr. Big and I had a rough morning. We got a touch of bad news, and it really rolled over and snowballed my entire day.

I thought a lot today. Daydreamed a lot today. I got lost in imagining the outcome I desire, and trying to figure out how to get there. Can you will your body into pregnancy? Am I ever going to get there?

June Marie and I were in a premenstrual slump, so we decided to go on a girl date. We left the boys to their own devices and set out to see a movie! We wanted to see the Bridesmaids, but it was showing too late. So we settled on Horrible Bosses. It was insanely funny, and the entire time we wished the boys had come with us!

After we got home, I turned on the movie Burlesque. I found myself wanting to dance along, to sing along. It moved me... And I came to the realization that motivation doesn't last forever, but neither does showering... Thats why they recommend doing it daily. So I am challenging myself to find one thing each day to keep my fire lit.

Dancing has been a good one lately. I think tomorrow, when I know Mr. Big is not able to catch me... I'm going to put in my DWTS workout DVD, and give it a go... If you hear loud laughing and a slap, you will know that Mr. Big has caught me shaking my wobbly bits and I have stuck him in my embarrassment. It wouldn't be the first time.

I am not giving up. Today was not a total bust. No, this is just the calm before the storm.

-baby giggles, hand sewn quilts, & strollers in the park,

Your friend,
Truely Blue

The Stats

Day two of my evil plan to take over the UTERUS!

I woke up this morning with the intent to weigh myself to get a starting weight. As I stepped on the black beast, and let my eyes adjust, I winced when it finally finished calculating. It wasn’t pretty folks, but it also was also not as bad as I was expecting.

Starting Weight: 258.2# (Feels more like 500#)
Goal weight by August 1, 2011: 255.2# (497#)
Days left to reach this goal: 11
Goal of gym use: 8/12 days, so I have used up 1 of my no gym days.

I, in true Truely fashion, did not wake up early enough to go to the gym. Well, I did, but then I turned over and went right back to sleep! Hey, when you’re overweight, you’re tired! The day is not wasted, however, because I am determined to get some exercise in today! I think tonight I’m going to take baby bear for a walk! She needs the exercise just as much as I do, and I haven’t taken her on a walk in ages. We have a small park near our house with a walking trail around it. I always imagine myself walking with a stroller there, trying to sweat off my baby weight. Although my daydream self would already have lost her baby weight by then due to breastfeeding. Sigh, what I would give for some spontaneous lactation right now…

Didn’t eat that great today, and I’m ashamed. I hadn’t eaten out in a week, had cereal at home for breakfast, and didn’t have anything to bring for lunch… So I did the drive of shame through the McDonald’s drive thru and got a cheeseburger, fries, and a coke. A real coke, not diet… I enjoyed every bite, but of course I feel absolutely wretched about it now. I’m going to work hard to sweat it out tonight with baby bear, for her sake & mine.

Luckily my prescriptions are available for pickup. Well, everything BUT the Metformin… They are still waiting to hear back from my Dr.’s office. Hopefully switching care providers isn’t going to fudge that up. Mmm… Fudge.

-sweet coos of laughter, rocking chairs, and the sound of a mobile in a quiet nursery…

Your friend,
Truely

The Plan

Well, now that most of the introductions are out of the way, we need to get down to brass tacks here! Most of the battle is in the preperations, I like to think anyways! Today I saw about getting my Walgreens.com account resituated. I had… forgotten my username & password, therefor I was unable to get into my perscription information…. Which is why I went off my medicine… Ha, well, that’s the story and I’m stickin to it. I managed to reinstate my account, and submit my medicines for refill, but the Metormin was out of refills, so there is just a matter of the pharmacy calling my doctor to get approval…. Which I hope will not be an issue. Now, we wait for confirmation. I also put in for a change of care provider, waiting on the confirmation for that as well.

Okay, now that I have the medicine ball rolling… (Yes, I just chuckled.) The next matter to attend to is the matter of diet and exercise. I have, in my possession, a gym membership that is good for 8 more months, that I pay nearly $40/month for… and I can’t cancel. Which means I really need to utilize it. Mr. Big has actually been trying to get me to cancel it for months, but it’s not possible. That is, unless I join the military and get deployed, and even then they have “numerous affiliated gyms that I could transfer my membership to without trouble!” Isn’t that convenient!? Ha! I prefer to use the gym facility in the early hours of the morning, mostly because I don’t want any of those meat heads checking out my goodies!

The diet aspect of this whole thing, is going to be a little tougher. I really do not know how to eat because I’ve got “the sugars”. I forgo white breads, and I use Splenda in my coffee. I do, however, have an unnatural addiction to sweets that needs to be tamed. I will be researching “Truely” friendly meals, and Mr. Big will just have to deal with it. He’s not a fan of sugar free, low sugar, or low carb anything. He may have eaten entirely too much sugar free candy that I left laying around… Sugar free candy, if eaten in excess, will cause a laxative effect. Poor Mr. Big, but that’s what that booger gets for getting into my stash!

Medicine, Diet, excersize… Hmm…. What else? Oh yes, the plan. My evil plan to take over the UTERUS! We need goals, people! Timelines, deadlines, things of that nature. It’s July 20th, 2011…. My list of goals:

•Lose 3lbs by August 1st
•Use the gym at least 8 days out of the 12 days left in this month
•Track my progress daily via this blog
•Make doctor's appointment with new doctor to get base readings done.

Not a bad first set of goals, if I say so myself. Gloves off infertility! I'm coming for you baby!!


-pitter patters of little feet, huggies diapers, and knitted caps of pink and blue...

Your friend,
Truely Blue

Introductions

Hi there, Truely Blue here! I have big hopes for this blog, which is all going to be done anonymously because I find it hard to be frank otherwise. So, you can call me Truely, and I will call you friend.

I'm starting this blog because I am on a very important journey, and I need to chronicle it. You see, I want to be a mommy. I want to be a mommy more than anything. I have been trying to fulfill my dream of motherhood for over 5 years now, and it doesn't seem any closer to happening than it did when we started.

There are a few issues working against me. First, I have polycystic ovarian syndrome. Also known as: Jewelry for the ovaries, pearls, pcos, The beard maker, and the cause of many a feminine 5 o'clock shadow! Secondly, I also have diabetes, type 2. Which I like to refer to as "the sugars".

I have been happily married for 9 years to man I will refer to as Big. Yes, blatant SATC reference, but we married a lot like they did in the movie. Plus it just fits him because well, he is a very tall man.

People that may make their way into a story occasionally-

Best friend #1: Anna
Best friend #2: June Marie
Mom
Dad
Mother in law- Millie
The pup- we call Baby bear

Im starting a new routine. A routine that will hopefully drag my ass right back on track to motherhood. A routine that will help me fight the good fight against infertility. A fight, that will begin tomorrow.





-sweet dreams of baby snuggles, warm crocheted blankets, and the smell of baby powder...

Your friend,
Truely Blue